I was once asked by a couple of coworkers this question. “At what point in an argument should you stop arguing with your wife?” My response was, “When you start! Because at the point that you start arguing, you’re no longer communicating, but rather trying to prove your point and win an argument. If one of you wins, then somebody has to lose. If one of you loses, then you both lose.”
1 Peter 3:7 KJV Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
As husbands we must honor our wives. One definition of honor is place her in high value in your life that cannot be changed. As the weaker vessel. Now I know most folks probably read this and get sideways.
Now notice it does not say wives are actually weaker in any specific way. Rather, husbands must honor their wives “as” they would honor or care for something more fragile than themselves. The point is how husbands must be protectors of their wives. We could delve into this, but that is a subject for another time.
Look what happens in Job 2:9-10 KJV
9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.
10 But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.
Many people have cast judgment upon Job’s wife for this comment. Notice that God never rebuked her. Job did, but should he have? I’m not saying that what he said was wrong. Because he was correct in saying What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? But should he have said it to her in a more loving manner? Should he have protected her and comforted her? She lost everything that Job had lost. Mothers are instinctively more sensitive, caring and nurturing towards their children and she just lost them all. Maybe Job should have placed her in higher value as a precious vessel that needed his protection. She was the only person that could totally relate to him at this point and his way that he could have other children. Not that other children would replace the ones lost.
Now back to 1 Peter. It also says that we are heirs together. Not higher or lower, but equal heirs. Also it addresses, being in contention with each other can hinder your prayers, this applies to both parties. Just like heirs can get into contention and drag out for years an inheritance or blessing they should receive. We can get into contention with each other and hold up the things of God in our lives.
Let’s look next in Ephesians.
Ephesians 5:25-29 KJV 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
So as men we are supposed to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. That is a high value to lay down your life for something. That’s exactly what we are supposed to do if necessary is lay down our lives for our wives. Sometimes though that may not necessarily mean our physical death. It may mean our own desires. We may have to sometimes lay down what we want and allow something they want instead. We can’t always have things our way. Now this goes both ways of course. Sometimes though what we have to lay down is our nature. It talks about nourishing and cherishing. That’s not always in a man’s nature to do, but it’s what we must do.
1 Timothy 5:8 NET But if someone does not provide for his own, especially his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
We are good a providing financially, but that is not all that our wives need for us to provide. They need a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, a loving embrace after an emotional day. You see providing is much more than financial. It’s providing emotional support. It’s being their strength when they have none. There are some pretty strong words following if we refuse this: denying the faith and being worse than an unbeliever.
We should make sure that not only the safest place for our wives is in our presence, but also the safest place for their reputation should be in our words. We should not be destroying our wives with our words. In their presence or away from them. That’s not nourishing and cherishing. That’s not kind. We’re supposed to protect them. That means completely.
Protect their reputation, just as Joseph being a just man wanted to protect Mary’s reputation (Matthew 1:19).
Protect their heart. I’ve heard it said the man may be the head of the home, but the woman is the heart of the home. If your wife is the heart of the home then Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life(Proverbs 4:23 ISV).
She’s your friend, guard her life with yours. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends(John 15:13 KJV).
Your wife is your other half. She is the one that you have sworn to spend the rest of your life with. Invest in her, she is your future. Honor her.
Colossians 3:19 (KJV) Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
I’d like to share two other translations because I feel like they give a deeper perspective.
Colossians 3:19 (ISV) Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Colossians 3:19 (Easy English) Husbands, love your wives and be kind to them.
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